Bicycle pump, oh bicycle pump, wherefore dost thou fail me now?

After a bit of experience, you begin to find that very little of your equipment is perfectly suited for the task at hand. Some of it doesn't work worth a damn, and some just needs a tiny bit of tweaking. Here you will find my "wish list" of equipment. To the best of my knowledge, none of it actually exists. (If it does, it's outrageously expensive. I'd love a chain that doesn't rust, but to the best of my knowledge, the only option is a titanium chain, which I hear are about $150, compared to about $10 for a steel one.) If you know of a piece of equipment that fits my "wish list," or if you have any other suggestions for the list, please let me know!

A Bike Pump That Actually Works

I have yet to find a pump that actually fit easily onto the valve, stayed there, didn't leak, pumped easily and didn't wreak havoc on the valve stem. My Topeak Combo Master Blaster comes as close to fulfilling the last two issues as any pump I've ever seen, but it leaks air much too quickly.

I really don't understand why this is a problem. Does there really need to be an "open/close" flip-switch on the pump? Presta valve stems are threaded, so I don't see any reason why you should have to jam the pump onto the stem and then screw it tight; you should be able to just thread the pump cup onto the stem until it's tight, and then flip a catch-switch of some kind which squeezes the seal tight. If my Topeak pump did this, it would be a damn near perfect pump. (It would also be nice if the flexible hose didn't pop out of its housing, of course.)

A Cycling Computer Specifically for Touring

Touring cyclists have distinctive needs which are not met by the average cycle computer:

Cycling Shoes with a Removable Cleat

Mountain/Touring style cycling shoes are great for touring. With a recessed cleat, you can actually walk around in them a bit without slipping, scratching the floors or damaging the cleat. When you're touring, you want to carry as little gear as possible, and carrying an extra set of shoes to go walking around in is a lot of extra space, not to mention weight. I'd love to see a cycling shoe with an easily removable cleat. The way to do it, it seems to me, would be to have some kind of "push-button" cleat release, probably with buttons on either side of the cleat (so you have to press both at the same time to release it). I'm not exactly sure how you'd engineer the thing, or how difficult it would be to make it durable, but it sure would be nice for touring. It would be nice to have just a couple extra millimeters of tread on the sole, too.

A Bike That Requires Fewer Tools (and a complete tool set to go with it)

My old mountain bike headset required only a standard set of hex wrenches to adjust, unlike my current touring bike headset, which (ironically) requires a huge monkey wrench to adjust. Who wants to carry such a thing with them when they're touring? I certainly don't; I just hope I never need one, because I'm not carrying it with me.

It seems silly to me to have any kind of flathead or phillipshead screw on a bike which has 95% hex-wrench style screws. Perhaps the screwheads are slightly smaller, but I have yet to see a place where that would really matter.

What's with these spline-tool gizmos? Are they really necessary? Surely somebody can design a bottom bracket and freewheel that fasten down by some other method. I carry the spline tools with me, but I certainly don't carry a socket wrench or monkey wrench big enough to use them, so I'll just have to hope that if I ever need to tune those parts, I can find a mechanic that has a big wrench.

For the freewheel, I figured out how to use my own bike chain and crank (gotta have a crank-puller to remove the crank, though, so you need a socket wrench again) to keep the freewheel still while I reef on the spline tool, so at least I don't have to carry a chain-whip. This can't possibly be good for my chain, but it works, and hey, it's a field-repair.

Why do we need cones and cone wrenches and all that crap on the wheels? Bottom brackets come in enclosed cassettes now, why not wheel hubs? If I could have a wheel hub that would last just 3000 miles, but then needed to just be thrown away and replaced for, say, $25-30, I'd be happy. Even way out in the boondocks, I could look at my bike computer (or even just the map), say to myself "I've ridden 2500 miles, better ask somebody back home to mail me a couple new hubs" and get them before I needed them. Not only would that save the grief of carrying the extra tools for tuning the hubs, but it would save the grief of actually tuning them. Surely it must be possible...

Of course, once you've designed a bike that needs the fewest number of tools possible, you still need a toolkit with the remaining tools. The best "multi-tool" I've seen yet is the Blackburn MTB multi-tool, but it still doesn't quite fit the bill. It doesn't have an 8mm hex wrench (for the cranks), and it doesn't have a 2mm, either (not very common, but my old bike had one or two 2mm hex screws). For tightening nuts, it has a great multi-wrench tool, but it would be better if it had two of them (one for each side, since there's usually a nut on each side of a bolt). It has all three sizes of spoke wrench, but they're set up in a fashion such that I'd never use them. Good spoke wrenches (individual key-style, by Park Tools) are small and weigh virtually nothing, so I'd rather have three good ones than one set of three bad ones.

A "multi-tool" doesn't have to be one tool, I just want a SMALL, COMPACT set, like something you'd put underneath your saddle. I'd like it to contain EVERYTHING you need to field-repair your bike, except perhaps a chain-whip, since it's possible to just use your own chain.

A More Thorn/Glass-Proof Tire

Mr. Tuffy's actually cause flats, particularly with a lot of weight on the bike. Kevlar tires will protect against sidewall slashes, but an embedded thorn or piece of glass will work itself through eventually. Thorn-resistant tubes aren't. I have never tried "slime tubes," though I've heard reasonably good things about them. I'd like to see one of two things:

  1. A tire with built-in tire liner. A good tire costs about $20-30. A cheap tire costs about $10. A PAIR of Mr. Tuffy's costs about $15. Why not design a tire that has a set of something like Mr. Tuffy's INSIDE it? If the tire liner didn't have a loose end that wore holes in the innertube, it would be great, but Mr. Tuffy's just aren't that well designed. Surely it must be possible to make a tire that has a built-in liner, MUCH more thorn/glass resistant than your average tire, without adding that much to the cost.
  2. An airless tube. I hear that they have them for cars, why not bikes? Run over all the glass you want, slice the hell out of your tire, replace it when the tread wears down, keeping the airless tube. My touring tires can be pumped to 120psi, which makes them absolutely rock hard (the gas station pumps here in Europe don't usually go any higher than 90psi), so having them be filled with something other than air probably wouldn't actually increase the bumpiness of the ride much, if at all. They could even be made in different "firmness" ratings, in case you wanted a slightly cushier ride (or wanted to reduce strain on your wheel).

Waterproof Covers for Mountain/Touring-style Cycling Shoes

They make waterproof covers for racing-style cycling shoes, but not for MTB-style shoes. For MTB-style shoes, you're stuck with neoprene covers (from what I've seen, anyway), which simply don't do the job. They'll keep your feet warm, but they won't keep them dry. These shoes MUST have a decent way of keeping the cleat accessible, too, however. I tried some neoprene covers, and found that the rubber soles really got in the way of clipping in. I had to cut a HUGE hole in the soles to allow room for the cleat to clip in. With my current hybrid pedals, I think it would be even more difficult.

A Bike With Fewer Rustable Parts

I specifically wanted a steel frame (more durable, can be "bent" back into shape if something really grievous happens, rather than just breaking like aluminum), but surely there must be a way to use fewer unpainted steel/iron parts. Every screw and cable, not to mention my chain, was rusted within two weeks of cycling in Ireland. Any touring cyclist needs to be prepared for rain, and you can't possibly dry off every screw and cable every time it rains (especially someplace like Ireland, where it rains almost constantly). Would it be that expensive to make screws and cables out of some non-rusting metal? I'd really like a chain that didn't rust, too...

A Compact, Lightweight Camera Tripod That Actually Works

So far, this is the only piece of non-cycling gear on my wish list. I searched all over for a full-size tripod that would fit inside my daypack, weighed less than 2lbs (~1kg) and didn't feel like it would fall apart. I wouldn't even mind if the weight made it unstable, as long as it had a way of attaching weight to the bottom to make it more stable. (I attached my backpack to the bottom of my current tripod once in very high winds, because I was afraid it would blow over while I snapped a shot of myself with some friends.) If it's flimsy, though, and my SLR camera with a 300mm lens is likely to break it, then it's worthless. (That was the problem with all the travel tripods I looked at.) The best tripod I've found so far, which is still a bit on the large and heavy side, but almost acceptable, is the Canon Universal tripod, which weighs (if I recall properly) 2.1lbs (just less than 1kg) and folds to about 18-19" (~46cm).